


I've Been Awake For Too Long

by vxtya



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Please Don't Hate Me, feelings- lots of it, i really like ronan lynch, i'll fight you for my bby, pynch-freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 10:16:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6653872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vxtya/pseuds/vxtya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My first ever Pynch fanfic. Beta-ed by the amazing <a href="http://quis-podex.tumblr.com/">quis-podex</a> on Tumblr. Constructive criticism is welcome because trust me when I say I need it.</p><p>you can find me at <a href="http://vxtya.tumblr.com/">vxtya</a> on tumblr. Come and say hiii.</p>
    </blockquote>





	I've Been Awake For Too Long

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever Pynch fanfic. Beta-ed by the amazing [quis-podex](http://quis-podex.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr. Constructive criticism is welcome because trust me when I say I need it.
> 
> you can find me at [vxtya](http://vxtya.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. Come and say hiii.

Life was scattered around Ronan. Dreams that had withered away, horrors that arose from the dreams that chose to stay; secrets he was going to take to his grave, secrets he was going to have to share at some point lest another Blue Sargent came their way. Aurora Lynch was back, Kavinsky had died, and Maura Sargent had left in search of a long lost love. Ronan was the Greywaren, Adam was the magician. So many things happened in the past couple of days that Ronan couldn’t come to terms with.

Then there was Adam.

Noah had begun to suspect him and Adam figured out it was he who bribed the nuns to lower his rent, but Adam didn’t question his motives behind it. Noah suspected, but Gansey and Blue were just bewildered that Ronan would ever feel the need to help others. Noah suspected, but Kavinsky thought he was in love with Gansey. Noah suspected, but he never confronted Ronan about it. Ronan was convinced chainsaw knew about it too. He didn’t know why he felt that way, but he just knew. Adam had joked that it was because Ronan was special, that only the supernatural could understand what went on in Ronan Lynch’s head, and Ronan didn’t even bother to correct it. Because apparently ghosts understood Ronan more than living beings did.

Noah once told him that dreams existed as alternate universes where we got what we wanted; that it served as a gateway, which in Ronan’s case was sadly true. He also told Ronan that he should keep his dreams to himself and Ronan’s mind immediately supplied him with the vivid imagery of a dream he’d had a while ago. One in which Adam was wrapped around him, all shy smiles and contented sighs. They were never in post-coital bliss, rather they were just enjoying the proximity. Adam felt so right in his arms. Adam felt like home. Adam was his anchor, the one thing that tied him to this world. They were lying lazily about and dream Adam told him that he loved him and Ronan had reciprocated. Dream Adam had kissed him and Ronan had savored it. Dream or not it felt real, Adam’s love felt real, Adam felt real and Ronan wished he could make it manifest, just like he did with every other thing in his life. But it had been a while since Ronan had dreamed of anything, not even Adam. Something told him that dream Adam missed him, but how was he supposed to dream when he couldn’t even sleep. Ever since Kavinsky’s death, Ronan had slipped back into his insomniac ways. Almost losing Adam and Mathew, and Maura’s disappearance was too much for him. He stayed up late, often twirling a beer bottle in his hands, not actually drinking it. He wished for the green pill, just so he could have those few moments where he lost himself to sleep and gave in to Adam’s touch. Maybe he had it lying around somewhere, maybe he could try to create it. But that felt extremely complicated -dreaming up a pill so that you’ll end up dreaming about a boy whom you can’t get out of your head.

Ronan Lynch felt Adam was his second secret. As much as he wanted to pull Adam aside and tell him, risking his heart in the process, making himself vulnerable to emotion, Ronan was not ready to test the strength of their friendship. He knew Adam would never leave him behind, but he was afraid of how he would take Adam rejecting him. He couldn’t stand the thought of that. Adam was his anchor, a fragment of him that was tied so closely to reality that it seemed inevitable that his whole world would come crashing down, should that part cease to exist. Maybe that was why sleep eluded him. Maybe it knew if Ronan slept, his mind would wander towards Adam and he’d only be causing more pain to himself.

It had been a week since sleep had refused to walk by him, grace him with its presence, and his mind was so turbulent that it seemed highly improbable that he’d ever sleep. It made him grumpy but no one seemed to think he was grumpier than usual–Ronan Lynch was an asshole, seething with venom and the Greywaren; the only thing that would seem out of place about him was the little acts of kindness that he occasionally aimed at Adam. They never talked about how or why Ronan had taken it upon himself to lower Adam’s rent. Gansey had asked him and he gave Gansey a reason he’d already decided upon–“Gansey, if you were the one who did it, Adam would feel so indignant that he’d walk out the door and go live in a ditch just to piss you off. Besides, there is only so much work he can do and I’m not the heartless asshole everyone makes me out to be. I care about you people, though I don’t show it.” Gansey believed him and they left it at that. With Blue’s mother gone and all that had taken place, everyone forgot about Ronan’s act of kindness.

“You should get some sleep,” Noah said one afternoon when Ronan was particularly tired and on the verge of falling off the couch. He sounded concerned; there was an understanding in his voice and Ronan picked up on it. Supernatural entities understood him and maybe he understood them too. “You don’t look too well.”

“I’m fine, Noah,” he said, trying to mask the discomfort he felt from straining to sit up straight for so long. “There’s nothing to worry about. I’m just really tired.”

“That’s why I said to go and get some sleep,” Noah said as he floated and sat next to Ronan. He was cold, and so was the air around him. “It’ll do wonders to you. I know you haven’t slept in a while. Thought about asking you about it. I mean, you learned to control your dreams right? It’s not like you’re having nightmares again.”

“Not all dreams,” Ronan muttered. Noah was right; he needed to sleep. As much as he wanted to sleep, the guilt of dreaming about Adam ate him up; effectively destroying any shot, he had at getting some shuteye.

“You should tell Adam about it,” Noah mused. He sounded as if he aimed for it to be taken as a command, not as advice. “He won’t hate you, Ronan. The worst-case scenario is that it’ll be awkward. Parrish loves you too much to hate you for having feelings for him. And the best-case scenario, he could reciprocate those feelings of yours. It’s more plausible than you think.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about. I don’t love Adam.” Ronan found himself to be weirdly defensive.

“I never said you loved him,” Noah stated. “You said that for yourself.”


End file.
